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If Taxis Had Apps, I Wouldn’t Use Uber

So I’m sitting in the back of an Uber the other day. It’s a Nissan Altima, the last-generation model, the one where it looks like the rear tail lights were styled using the rare Photoshop feature More Turn Signal. The driver is yammering away on the phone. And he’s cruising along about three inches from the car in… » 7/30/15 2:33pm Thursday 2:33pm

Celebrities Look Awful When They Complain About Companies On Twitter

It’s happened to all of us. Your plane is delayed. You’re going to miss your connection. They lost your bag. You’re sitting on the tarmac, but they can’t let you into the airport because your gate is occupied. There are unforeseen mechanical troubles. The flight is cancelled because the pilot is revealed to be a… » 7/23/15 12:54pm 7/23/15 12:54pm

Dear Craigslist Landlord: You Suck

Dear Potential Landlord,

Thank you so much for listing your apartment for rent on Craigslist. I really appreciate the ad; especially the part where you said “ABSOLUTELY NO PETS” followed by exactly 42 exclamation points. Had you used only 35 or even 39 exclamation points, I would’ve inquired about bringing my pet… » 5/14/15 2:51pm 5/14/15 2:51pm

Google Street View Isn’t An Invasion Of Privacy, It’s Awesome

Today, we’re going to discuss the crazy Germans. You know the ones: they wear bizarre eyeglasses. They drive diesel hatchbacks. They use harsh, angry syllables, so you think they’re always plotting some brutally violent criminal activity, when actually they’re discussing train schedules. » 5/07/15 1:25pm 5/07/15 1:25pm

Dear Call Center Guy: I’m Sorry I Yelled At You

As many of you know, I've been doing the whole "self-employed writer" thing for about two years now. This job has presented many challenges, such as the one that comes when you realize it's lunch time, and you have to put on clothes if you want to go outside and buy a sandwich. » 3/12/15 2:41pm 3/12/15 2:41pm

Craigslist Is A Terrible Place To Actually Buy Anything

I am proud to announce that I recently discovered the magic of Craigslist. What I mean by this is: I recently attempted to buy something on Craigslist, which I discovered is a futile task that should only be attempted by the clinically insane. » 3/05/15 3:18pm 3/05/15 3:18pm

For God’s Sake, Shut Up About Credit Cards And Airline Miles

I recently had the opportunity to sit down for lunch with two friends: an investment banker and a business consultant. In other words: I recently had the opportunity to waste an hour of my life discussing credit card rewards and airline miles. » 2/26/15 2:28pm 2/26/15 2:28pm

Signing Your Name Is The Strangest Thing You Do

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the aliens. Not the illegal immigrant kind; the government seems to have that problem under control, in the sense that there's a heated debate about it every few months, and you have congressmen calling each other names, and shoving each other as they board that little electric… » 2/12/15 2:56pm 2/12/15 2:56pm